Emotional merry go round

As I write this, I am on hold with my insurance company. I am trying to find out about this line item that I noticed in our coverage yesterday. We are covered for additional living expense -- this could be a big help in temporary relocation. But I don't feel relieved. The phone is propped up next to the laptop, and every 45 seconds, a little recording comes on that says "Thank you for your patience. Your call is important to us. Yada Yada." So while I am thanked for my patience, I will write.

I feel this awful sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. It comes and goes. Right now it's there. I feel like I should be getting more done. But what?

Ok -- It's much later. Finally got a phone number of our claims adjuster guy, left a message, but have not heard back. Talked to a friend who has the same insurance company and she is having trouble getting any money for living expenses -- they insist that they have to see the house first. Don't they get it? We can't live there! It doesn't matter if it's standing or not -- we cannot be in New Orleans right now! I will wait to vent further until I find out some more info directly.

I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. I've felt this way before. It's the old hurricane-related emotional merry go round. I know that if I just wait it out, I will come around to the other side, to a different view, and then I'll be fine again. Sadly, it feels extra terrible to feel terrible, because I feel so guilty for feeling terrible. We have so much! So many options! Choices! We are so lucky! Again, that awful knotted feeling -- "Why aren't you doing something? Get out there and volunteer!" But right now I am stuck in the house. Shaw has the car down at the local high school, meeting with the principal about a temporary subbing job. So I can stay home and wallow some more.

So then I follow up on some calls I made yesterday. I talk to the woman organizing the Teach For America 15 year alumni summit. She's amazed at my chipper attitude, and my willingness to volunteer my time to call fellow alums. I'm glad that I sound chipper -- I'm pretty good at staying positive in public. I try to explain to her that I would love to do something useful, rather than just sitting around contemplating my limbo-like situation.

I have plans now to go to my alma mater and recruit for TFA at the end of September and beginning of October. Then there's the alum summit in DC in October. Maybe there's some fall foliage or family visit thrown in too. These are things that I would not have been able to do in my previous life because September and October are such busy months at school.

I want to make plans to visit LA too (Los Angeles) -- most importantly to see my brother's family and also hopefully vistit a school or two that are doing amazing things in curriculum design and service-learning.

Yes, plans are finally starting to happen. Shaw and I actually did talk about plans yesterday! We identified four factors that are inhibiting our ability to pick up and just travel anywhere.
1. Moving the cats and the trauma that ensues.
2. High gas prices, gas shortages, guilt associated with using large quantities of gas to flit about the country.
3. Uncertainty as to exactly when we will be able to get back into our fair city, to meet with insurance claims adjusters, etc. and to hopefully stay to clean up!
4. Uncertainty about what is happening with our school.

None of these are insurmountable, and so we are starting to make things happen.

No time left to wallow -- kids are home from school, and I promised to make dinner tonight. Friends are joining us, so it has gone from dinner for 6 to dinner for 8. Had better get cracking! And the merry go round has turned, and I am back to the "happy" side -- or close enough, anyway!